Car Crash

by hellorousseau

I slammed into the back of a pickup truck and forced the front end of my PT Cruiser into my chest.

It was a hard crash, and I sucked for air before fumbling with the handle. I dragged myself out to the owner of the impacted car. In a breathy shake I asked, “Are you alright?”

He looked at me.

The traffic light turned red.

Two weeks before that I was on stage at the Winnipeg Art Gallery. My hair in a thick curl, I put on a black lace ASOS dress, some wedges, and my favourite STILA liquid lipstick.

I had been nominated for Blog of the Year, an award that would not only (in my mind) validate the work I’ve done, but would also seriously stroke my ego (super kidding). I was up against two other blogs, Jessica’s Transit Talks and A J FIELD art + life. Both blogs are run by super-ultra-mega-babes I go to school with, and after giving them a read, I decided/predicted I wasn’t going to win.

I figured it would kind of be like The Winnipeg Music Festival for me; sure, I’d do well, but I wouldn’t, like, really win (if anyone has ever been in a Festival class with Colleen, you’ll know what I’m talking about). So I figured I could have a drink or two (or three… Or four?), relax, chill, and totally not prepare an acceptance speech that I would deliver to the large audience if I did happen to win.

But then I won.

I rushed up to the front of the stage and forced myself between the presenter and the podium. The speech was an absolute blur. I barely remember what I said, but I do recall issuing a sweaty, half-assed peace sign salute before thanking all the fat chicks, and then thanking all the thin chicks. Then I sprinted away with my shiny new trophy and its pretty little typo.

Screen shot 2014-07-02 at 11.04.32 AM

Pictured: 1st Year Blog of the Year for Hellorousseau’s sister blog, Helloroousseau.

The next day, I went home to write a blog post, but I couldn’t. I was scared to write something. What if my content was stupid now? What if it wasn’t ‘award-winning’ anymore? What if my thoughts were never award winning in the first place and the judges pitied me? Irrational thoughts filled my ears. I shut my laptop and told myself I’d do it later.

A few weeks later, I was invited on to Independent Chick, “a (Shaw Communications) TV Show and Organization with a message of independence, inspiration, insight and ideas for success and empowerment!” With me was the hilarious (and equally awkward) Alyson Shane, who runs a beautiful fuchsia-pink blog about her life around Winnipeg.

While on the show, the two of us talked about how to run a successful blog, what to write about, how to find your target audience, and how to keep people interested in your content. I sat between host Dana and Alyson and piped up here and there in the conversation under the blistering white of the studio lights.

When I was done, I went home to write a blog post, but I couldn’t. I stared at my screen. I shut my laptop and told myself I’d do it later.

I can’t write. Oh my God. Maybe I’m dying.

For whatever reason, I had been unable to physically write something.

Every time I started a post, I would delete it after the first few lines. Long paragraphs became point form, and my excuses for not writing a post became more and more elaborate.

– “I work all day today so I’ll be too tired when I get home!”
– “Even though I have the day off it’s so nice out and I should really work on my tan!”
– “I’m pretty sure I broke all of my fingers while brushing my teeth so whoopsie oh well!”

Pretty much.

So I decided to live my life outside of the computer.

I started an incredible job at the Red River Ex doing social media with my fellow EXtreme Team-ers.

RREX

Inside the colourful, whacky, whimsical world of Winnipeg’s Red River Ex.

I was interviewed for Up and Coming World, a fantastic Toronto-based blog run by the infinitely talented Maria Cruz. I began getting booked for photography and a couple o’ makeup gigs.

Life was a’ight outside of the internet.

But I knew I had to write something. Not just because I’m writing an entire book that’s due to be published next year, and not because I have a diehard fan-base for this blog, but because writing is liberating; and despite the fact that I was ‘living’ my life, there were no words of inspiration or confidence that I could strewn lightly across my screen and be proud of.

For many a’ month I have not heard the frantic tap of the keyboard, or the ‘bweeeeeeew’ start up noise my MacBook makes, but I think I’m over my writing ‘phobia’ (or whatever the hell you want to call it).

So here I am. Beginning summer posts for HelloRousseau. In the next few weeks, I will be featuring some empowering young women, a hot-stuff hockey player (and TOTAL HEART-THROB), some exquisite makeup artistry, and much, much more. To quote my very first post on this blog:

“Let’s make a toast to the first (summer) post. This is my majestic journey to find a little more self acceptance, and to help see beauty through (the incredible) people in my life.

Here here.”

P.S: I’m madly in love with Emma Haslam, the 27-year-old mom who wears a size 18 who performed this wicked pole-dancing routine on “Britain’s Got Talent.”

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